Can you have a funeral service with cremation?

Yes. A traditional memorial service can take place before the cremation, complete with an open casket and viewing if you wish. You can also hold the service afterward, with the ashes present — or choose a direct cremation with no service at all.

Should the ceremony happen before or after the cremation?

Either works, and that flexibility is one of cremation's advantages. Holding it afterward gives you more time to plan and lets you move past the first days of grief, since the ashes can be present and sometimes scattered during the ceremony.

How long should a cremation ceremony last?

Venues such as churches and crematoriums usually set a time limit. A private ceremony can run as long as you like, but keeping the formal part to about an hour or less is kindest. Guests should plan to stay at least 15 to 30 minutes and never leave mid-service.

What should you wear to a memorial service?

Dress conservatively in dark, muted colors, avoiding bright shades and loud patterns. For casual or outdoor services the family will usually say so — but use good judgment. Most importantly, don't skip the service for lack of formal clothes; just be neat and well groomed.

Do you bring flowers to a memorial service?

Guests aren't expected to bring anything to the service itself. If you'd like to send flowers, have a florist deliver them to the family's home instead. A card of condolence is always appropriate.

How can you scatter ashes at sea?

A popular, mess-free option is a biodegradable urn that floats for a time then slowly dissolves to release the ashes. Some families pour the ashes directly from a boat or scatter flower petals in its wake. See our scattering at sea guide for the rules, ideas and prayers.

Guides

Cremation ceremony: ideas, readings, etiquette and planning

Whether you are planning a cremation ceremony or attending one, it helps to know what to expect. One of the quiet advantages of cremation is freedom: the service can be as traditional or as personal as you wish, and you do not have to decide everything at once. This guide walks through ceremony ideas, suggested readings, flowers, etiquette and a simple way to plan ahead — so you can give your loved one a farewell that truly suits them.

Cremation ceremony ideas

There are very few rules when it comes to a memorial service. Your main concern is simply to create a ceremony the person would have loved.

Cremation also gives you more time to plan. Because you can choose to hold the ceremony after the cremation itself, you can move past the first raw days of grief and make arrangements when your thoughts are clearer. The options below cover where a ceremony can take place.

Traditional cremation funeral service

If you have been hesitant about cremation because you want a full funeral service, there is no reason to worry. A traditional memorial service can take place before the cremation, with an open casket if you wish.

You will still decide what to do with the ashes afterward. Keeping with tradition, you can hold a burial and graveside service much as you would at a conventional funeral. Alternatively, a direct cremation involves no service at all — the person is taken straight to the crematorium, which is the simplest and lowest-cost path.

At the crematorium

In many cases you can hold the service at the same crematorium that performs the cremation. The exact procedure depends on the facility, but many have a dedicated room or chapel set aside for ceremonies. Whether and how you mark the moment is entirely your choice.

Scattering at sea ceremony

Just as you can have a burial at sea, you can hold a scattering at sea. The familiar image is of ashes poured into the water from a boat, but there are gentler methods that keep the ashes from blowing back over mourners.

Biodegradable urns are made to hold the ashes, float for a time, then slowly dissolve and release them. They come in many forms — flowers, turtles, shells, even small Viking ships. Our scattering ashes and scattering at sea guides cover the regulations, ideas and prayers in detail.

Memorial service ideas

Once you have decided where to gather, you can shape the ceremony itself. Again, it can be almost anything you imagine.

If the service follows the cremation, a memorial table works beautifully: set out the urn alongside a large framed photo and a few belongings that meant something to your loved one. Then ask the questions that matter. Would they have wanted prayers and quiet farewells, or music and a celebration? Would they prefer family and friends simply gathering to share happy memories and funny moments? A few specific touches are below.

Photo slideshow

Mourners are almost always moved by a slideshow. You might show the person together with friends and family, or run a timeline from baby photos through to recent images — a life told in pictures.

You can also place a small amount of ashes in keepsake cremation art containers, set them in a basket or on a table, and invite guests to take one home.

Sky lanterns

A striking gesture is to hand each guest a sky lantern. Everyone writes a note to the person who has died and tucks it inside, perhaps with a little of the ashes. The candles are lit and the lanterns released one by one — a symbol of setting your loved one free. Check the weather first, as wind or fire conditions can make this unsafe, and in some areas you may need to contact air traffic control.

Balloon release

In a similar spirit, you can place some of the ashes inside helium balloons. Each guest takes one and they are released together, with songs or prayers as the display drifts upward. These are only a few starting points — one may suit you perfectly, or spark an idea of your own.

Cremation ceremony readings

During the ceremony you may wish to read a poem or verse aloud. A few well-loved suggestions are below, both non-religious and religious.

Non-religious: She Is Gone (He Is Gone)

"You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back, or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love that you shared... You can remember her and only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on." — David Harkins

Non-religious: Miss Me, but Let Me Go

"When I come to the end of the road, and the sun has set for me, I want no rites in a gloom-filled room. Why cry for a soul set free? Miss me a little, but not too long, and not with your head bowed low. Remember the love that was once shared. Miss me, but let me go... When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the hills we know, and bury your sorrow among the trees there. Miss me — but let me go." — Anonymous

Religious: To the Living, I Am Gone

"To the living, I am gone, to the sorrowful, I will never return; to the angry, I was cheated, but to the happy, I am at peace. To the faithful, I have never left. Talk to me, and I will hear; your prayers, they comfort me, your laughter makes me laugh, but don't weep for me as I have my reward. I am with the Father and he will never let me perish... So be happy my family and don't despair, I am in good hands, waiting for the day when the Lord calls you to come home." — Anonymous

Memorial service etiquette: what to expect

If you are attending a service, it is natural to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. Relax — a little common courtesy is all you need. The main thing is to be respectful. A few common questions are answered below.

What do you wear to a memorial service?

Dress codes are softer than they once were, but it is still worth dressing appropriately for the setting. A service in a church, crematorium or funeral home calls for conservative attire — the kind you would wear to a religious service.

You are no longer expected to wear strict black, but keep to dark, muted colors and avoid bright shades and busy patterns. Men can wear a suit, or slacks with a dress shirt and tie; women a skirt, dress or pantsuit with a modest neckline and length. Comfortable shoes help, as you may stand and walk a good deal.

If the ceremony is at a home, park or beach, the family will often say to dress casually — but use good judgment and stay respectable, avoiding jeans, sneakers or caps unless told otherwise. Above all, do not let a lack of formal clothes keep you away. Do the best you can and be well groomed.

What do you bring to a memorial service?

In most cases you are not expected to bring anything — it only gives the family more to carry home. If you would like to give flowers, it is best to have a florist deliver them to the family's home. A card of condolence is always appropriate.

Does the service happen before or after the cremation?

It can be either, which is one of cremation's advantages. Held before, it can include viewing the body just as at a traditional funeral. Held afterward, the ashes are usually present and are sometimes scattered during the ceremony.

How long is the service?

If the service is in a church, funeral home or crematorium, there is usually a time limit set by the venue. A private ceremony at home or elsewhere can run as long as you like, though keeping the formal part to around an hour or less is kindest — it is a tiring time. As a guest, staying 15 to 30 minutes is generally enough, but never leave in the middle of the service itself. For a sea scattering, allow for the time the boat needs to reach the location.

Flowers for a cremation service

Flowers can be as simple or as lavish as you wish, and can mirror the arrangements used at a traditional funeral — a standing arrangement, individual vases, or a casket spray if there will be a viewing.

When the ceremony follows the cremation, many families choose a special design that surrounds the urn with flowers. Scattering flower petals in the wake of a boat is a lovely touch at a sea scattering.

Do you take flowers to a memorial service?

As above, guests are not expected to bring anything. Sending flowers to the family's home is the preferred and most thoughtful option.

Planning a cremation ceremony

As you can see, there is a lot to weigh when planning a ceremony, especially a detailed one. If you want things done in a particular way, pre-planning is worthwhile.

Pre-planning

Many details can only be arranged at the time of death, but you can decide your preferences in advance and put them in writing. A funeral director can help keep you on track, and it is worth asking close friends and family for their input.

Plan the location and details

Decide where the ceremony will be held and what it will include — music, readings, prayers, a theme. Make a list of out-of-town family and friends who should be notified, and settle on what will happen to the ashes afterward. Writing these decisions down now spares everyone difficult choices later.

Which ceremony is right for you?

When it comes to it, the question that matters most is simple: what would your loved one have wanted for their final farewell? Let that guide every choice.

And if you are attending rather than planning, the kindest thing you can do is be present, respectful and supportive of the family. We hope this guide helps you give someone you love the ceremony they deserve.

FAQ

Cremation ceremony: ideas, readings, etiquette and planning: common questions

Can you have a funeral service with cremation?: Yes. A traditional memorial service can take place before the cremation, complete with an open casket and viewing if you wish. You can also hold the service afterward, with the ashes present — or choose a direct cremation with no service at all.
Should the ceremony happen before or after the cremation?: Either works, and that flexibility is one of cremation's advantages. Holding it afterward gives you more time to plan and lets you move past the first days of grief, since the ashes can be present and sometimes scattered during the ceremony.
How long should a cremation ceremony last?: Venues such as churches and crematoriums usually set a time limit. A private ceremony can run as long as you like, but keeping the formal part to about an hour or less is kindest. Guests should plan to stay at least 15 to 30 minutes and never leave mid-service.
What should you wear to a memorial service?: Dress conservatively in dark, muted colors, avoiding bright shades and loud patterns. For casual or outdoor services the family will usually say so — but use good judgment. Most importantly, don't skip the service for lack of formal clothes; just be neat and well groomed.
Do you bring flowers to a memorial service?: Guests aren't expected to bring anything to the service itself. If you'd like to send flowers, have a florist deliver them to the family's home instead. A card of condolence is always appropriate.
How can you scatter ashes at sea?: A popular, mess-free option is a biodegradable urn that floats for a time then slowly dissolves to release the ashes. Some families pour the ashes directly from a boat or scatter flower petals in its wake. See our scattering at sea guide for the rules, ideas and prayers.

About the author

Adam Binstock

Founder of Cremation Institute

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